


Already Gone

by SawyerDay



Series: Song Fiction [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: I don't know what I'm doing, I'm so sorry, Sad, Songfic, why did I do this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-15
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2018-01-15 21:07:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1319194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SawyerDay/pseuds/SawyerDay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam says goodbye to Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Already Gone

Dean,

 

I’m sorry that I wasn’t man enough to do this face to face.

 

I know that you won’t understand why I needed to do this, but I hope that in time you will at least respect it. What you did was selfish. You took away my right to choose my life and my death. You took away the only thing that I had control over and I can’t forgive you for that. Do you not see that everything I have ever wanted for myself has been taken from me? Simple things like college, relationships, friendships, or even having a home, have all been ripped from my fingers. Over and over again, I was told that I needed to live this life with you because it’s what family does. They stick together. For a long time I was willing to do it. I was willing to do anything for you. I did everything I could to make you happy because I’m one of the few people who know how truly miserable you are, but you took it too far.

 

Loneliness doesn’t have to mean sadness. Sadness doesn’t mean giving up and admitting defeat. These are normal human emotions, and I have felt them all. I have fought for and with you, Dean and I just can’t do it anymore. I need something that’s mine. I know you hurt, I know that you feel pain and I know that you are going to take this personally, but this connection that we have is broken, Dean. I don’t have the energy to repair it anymore. I care about you deeply and I am thankful for the sacrifices that you have made for me, but I’m not a kid anymore. I’m not helpless and I’m not hopeless.

 

I’ll remember all the dreams that we had for our lives and how we wanted so badly to get away from this hunters life and I’ll try to do them justice. We weren’t meant to be hunters Dean. It’s not what she wanted. You know that as well I as I do. I may not remember her like you do, but I know this isn’t what she wanted for us. Our lives were hand picked for us before we were even born and I’m taking mine back. It’s time. I’m not going to live forever and neither are you and I think it’s about time that I get to live and not just survive.

 

This was never going to last forever. You need to move on and life your life. I have kept you from so many dreams of your own because you felt you had a responsibility to me, but I’m setting you free, Dean. You can do what you want, when you want to do it. I love you, Dean. I do. But I’ve got to get away. Maybe someday we can be friends again but for now I just need to live. I need to feel alive so that when I get the chance to die again, I’ll know it’s right. I’ll know it’s time and I can be okay with it.

 

So, I guess this is goodbye. I know you don’t understand and you're probably already thinking of ways to get me back, but I’m not coming back. Not this time. If you keep hunting, make sure you stay safe and keep Cas close. He doesn’t say it but he needs you just as much as you need him. If you choose to stop hunting, still keep Cas. He loves you more than either of us will ever understand and I think that’s really saying something.

 

Please don’t look for me, I’m already gone.

 

I’m sorry.

  
-Sammy

**Author's Note:**

> Uhh, I was listening to 'Already Gone' by Kelly Clarkson and this popped out. 
> 
> I'm so sorry.


End file.
